The Curse & Our Blessed Hope

Recently, the Lord has just been marking my heart with a sense of identity.  He's slowly weening me off of the things that I thought too highly of, and bringing me to a place where all I can see is Him and all I can say is, "I want nothing else".  While I have actually been in this place for quite some time, the Lord has been dealing with me in a new way.  As I'm allowing the Lord into the deepest places of my heart, which sometimes aren't so bright, He's bringing healing to my soul and showing me what -- or who -- I really want.

It is so important that we don't find our identity in a gift or a ministry.  It is also crucial that we do not find our identity in other people.  I think latching onto an idea of who we think we are or the gifts we think we have is a recipe for destruction, despair, and hopelessness.  So many times we create this idea of who we are, or who we want to be, and we try so hard to be that.  The truth is, we're not that, no matter how hard we pretend.  We're all wretched.  We're all dust.  No gift or talent or mask that we wear will ever change that.

On Saturday, at service (at Or HaOlam), Rabbi Shmu'el was teaching from the Parashah.  He discussed a curse that we all have over our lives because we have sinned against the Lord and, therefore (based on the Hebrew text), deserve to die on a tree.  We all live under this curse until we give it all to Yeshua. He is the One who died on the tree for us.  He took to judgement for our sins.  He took the curse upon Himself, and therefore, liberated us.  Rabbi was suggesting that, although those of us who are believers in Yeshua have given our lives to Him and are set free (or hopefully, when we say that we are believers, we really mean it), there are areas in each of our lives that we have not given to Him yet.  Because of this, that part of us is still under a curse (although not a curse that damns us to hell).

I thought about my own life and the things I still struggle with and the areas that...well, I simply don't want to let the Lord into.  I thought about the life patterns I have and the things I'm not yet free from.  Some things are simply out of my control!  But, what I can do, is give them to Him every day.  I can release my control and desire for these displeasing and ungodly patterns and ask the Lord to set me free.  I can ask Him to come and break the chains and, literally, intercede and contend for myself.  I think many times we only think of intercession or contending for something  in the sense of a nation or people group or family member.  But, the Holy Spirit groans for us in intercession (Romans), and Yeshua Himself is always living to intercede for us (Hebrews).  So, if God HIMSELF intercedes for me, why shouldn't I intercede and contend for my own breakthrough and deliverance?  It's not just the sick people and the demon-possessed that need our prayers.  It's not just Israel that needs our prayers.  We need our own prayers for ourselves.

I want to feel about my sin the way God feels about my sin. I want to groan in intercession for myself that God Himself would shine His light on my sins and break the chains of death and destruction over my life!!!  Friends, it's not about pointing out the sin in others and "praying" that they would find deliverance.  It's about pointing ourselves out, admitting that we are wrong and sinful, and boldly going before the throne of grace (Hebrews) and saying to the Lord, "Me! Me! Me!  I need help!  God help ME! I can't do it!"   Like a student when they know the answer to a problem and they get so excited and anxious about it...I want to raise my hand boldly because I know I have the answer to my problems.  It's Jesus.  I want my Teacher to pick me.  Now, that's not a very good analogy....but just bear with me, I'm tired. lol.   And the Lord is so faithful and merciful to forgive us, that, when we repent, it's done with.

I just keep thinking about the one sentence I shared: "I want to feel the way God feels about my sin."  God, I want the fear of the Lord to come over my heart, that I might feel the way You feel about these things I hold onto that really belong at the foot of the cross.

At this one Youth Retreat, back before the YMJA did them, Matt, my youth pastor, was teaching all of us.  I must have been eleven or twelve at this time.  He got us all gathered around him, and he asked us, "What would you do if Yeshua was standing right where I'm standing?"  Awkwardly, we all looked at each other.  No one wanted to be the uber religious one.  We all kinda just stared at him, trying to be cool.  He asked it again, "What would you do if Yeshua was standing right where I'm standing?"  I thought to myself (not aloud, of course, cause then I'd be a loser), "Well, I'd bow down on my face before Him."  

I never did bow down on my face, or even suggest that, because I was too afraid of being the weird nerdy girl who loved God.  I wanted to be cool so bad, that I didn't say anything.  I always regretted that day; the day I didn't take a stand for God.

I want to be a person that bows down on my face before the Lord and worships Him alone, even if people think I'm weird.  I want to be one that lives before His face, and has eyes set on His for my whole life and whatever comes after.  The reality is that I don't even know those people anymore (except Angel Hernandez, lol, and Isaac Beltran) and being cool at that time was so pointless, because where are they in my life now?  To be quite frank, God is way more cool than any person on this earth (no, for real, He is).  I don't want to let the opinions of people who won't even be in my life within the next five years effect me so deeply, that I lose my chance to bow before the Lord.

Oh, to be wholehearted before the Lord.  To be at His feet forever.  To be humble enough to admit I'm struggling.  To be before a God that desires we be together.        

Jesus, would You come and make my life a fragrant offering?  Would You come and burn away everything that hinders loving devotion to You alone?  No other gods, no other loves.  Give me strength to let You into my deepest, darkest places.  Give me grace to give it all back to You.  Send breakthrough to a willing heart.  Send life to these dry bones.  Yeshua, take it all.  Leave nothing behind.  In the Name above every name, Yeshua HaMashiach, Amen.