He is so Other Than...

I got off work early tonight, so I went down to EGS (Encounter God Service).  I came in 2.5 hours late, but that's ok cause it's technically a 4 hours service with a 2-hr Prayer Room set after.  I walked in, beat, tired (more like utterly exhausted), but not sad.  I was in a pleasant mood. :)   I walked across the FCF (Forerunner Christian Fellowship...everything at IHOP is acronyms!) Auditorium trying to find a seat as Mike Bickle was giving his message.  I didn't hear the beginning and I think I came about 5-10 minutes into the message.  That's when Mike really gets into the notes; the first five minutes.  I was kinda bummed cause there weren't any notes left to take, and I'm visual (and didn't have my Bible), so notes would've been nice.  It didn't bother me much though.  Finding a seat was much more important.

The place was so crowded, they pulled out the orange plastic chairs from the basketball court, which is on the far side in another "room".  Still, nothing.  I was secretly hoping I'd see some people I knew who'd give me a seat, but finding anyone in this crowd was a little difficult.

I found a seat on the floor right in front of the doors that lead to the basketball courts (it's an indoor gym).  Mike was saying something about how Yeshua leaves the 99 and goes after that one.  He talked about how Yeshua -- after we run away from the Lord for whatever reason -- goes after us and puts all these circumstances in our path that either starve us out, or slowly help us to see Him.  Then, we tell everyone how we found God!  haha.  I think that's kind of true how the Lord sets all these situations up for us and goes looking for us, and after He finds us, we say, "Oh, Lord!  There You are!  I have been looking for You and have found You!"  The Word of God says (somewhere, lol)  that we once were lost and now are found (it's also in Amazing Grace).  Who are we found by?  God!  He found us! :D  That means.....He's lookin' for ya. :)

Mike continued by talking about the parable of the Prodigal Son, and how it's really about a Father first, who loves His sons.  He showed us how we mostly see God as angry or mad at us, like He's waiting for us to finally get it.  But the reality is, God is searching for us.  Obviously, He knows where we are.  I don't mean in a physical sense.  To be honest, I'm not really sure what it means at all.  I just know that the Word of God says it.  He goes after that one sheep.  He goes looking for him.

Mike ended by showing us that, like the prodigal son, we can sometimes try to negotiate with God.  Like, "God, if you just forgive me one more time, I promise I'll do all these works to make up for it.  I'll become the servant because I don't really deserve a seat in Your house."  The concept of works versus grace came up.

I find myself, many many times, hiding from God or shutting down to Him when I do something wrong.  It's almost like I become afraid that God will strike me down with a lightning bolt or tell everyone about what a horrible person I am (because I think He gives people words like that apparently, lol).  I struggle with feeling like my little issues are a burden to the Lord.  He doesn't really have time for stupid, insignificant me.  My problems are not worth His time.  I have to figure it out on my own cause He doesn't care enough to help me.  Then, when I get it wrong....big trouble.  Oh, here we go.  Dolly screwed up again.  When are you going to learn?  I end up feeling like this big pile of mush, and hiding even more from the Lord.

Now, I won't go into detail about how my family dynamics almost directly correlate with why I view God that way, but I must say, most of us (because I KNOW I'm not the only one) have a real crooked view of how the Lord sees us.  Whether you're the perfectionist who thinks God only excepts the A+ or you're out, or you're the one who thinks God doesn't care enough anyway, so why bother.....we all have patterns that affect the way we view God.  Both of those views are wrong views of God, in case anyone thought their view was right. :D

I find myself in a pickle with a few things.  #1: What is the right view of God?  #2:  How can I actually allow that to become a real and lasting part of my life?

Well, I know what the right view of the Lord is.  He loves us and goes after us and we're each His favorite.  But, time and time again, I find myself struggling with old tapes and old lies about God and myself.  Does this mean I don't know God?  Absolutely not!  Actually, I think if people don't go through these kinds of things at more than one point in their life...they're probably lying or denying the reality of their relationship with God. Even the person with the perfect family doesn't actually have THE perfect family.  We can pretend all we want, folks, but no family is perfect no matter how hard they work to make a good life for you.

The other thing I have been struggling with is works versus grace.  I believe that grace actually empowers us to do the works, but works do not save us and grace is not an excuse to stop doing works.  But legitimately, what happens when you don't read your Bible every day or pray?  That doesn't mean we're going to hell...although it could turn out that way in the end if we don't do those things.  When you sin but then repent sincerely, God erases the sin as if it didn't happen.  Doesn't that seem weird to you?  He just...forgets.  No strings attached.  Well, God knows if I'm sincere, but how do I know I'm sincere?  And what happens when I'm not strong enough to take the darts of the enemy?  Does that mean I'm not a very strong believer?  Does that mean I'm not reading the Word enough? How come one message is about God's judgment and fury and another is about how much God loves us...and they're BOTH right?  Why is it so black and white...but at the same time it's so circumstantial?

I think I'm discovering the Otherness of God as we speak...

I feel like Paul talking about how he does the things he hates and he doesn't do the things he wants to do.  The Lord is so "other than" anything we know, but at the same time His Word is meant for the simplest of minds.  All this questioning makes me want to do is fall at the feet of Yeshua.  Well, at least there's a good response. haha.  I have no answers about anything.  Only questions.  I feel humbled...and I like it. :D

Ending thoughts:  I am not a burden to God.  He delights in taking care of me and He delights in the way I love Him.  He is going to take care of me cause He's my Daddy and show me all the things a daughter gets. That is all. :)   *heart melts for Yeshua*  

Love First.

It seems the theme for today was about love.  It was about loving those who hurt you and loving those and expecting nothing in return.  Yeshua's time on this earth is a perfect example of this kind of love.  At the Last Seder (Supper), He arose from His place and came to wash the disciples feet.  He washed their feet even though He knew that Judas was going to betray Him and Peter was going to deny Him.  He still washed.  Then He gave His life for people who hated Him.  He loved us all that much.

I think sometimes, when we have mountain-top experiences where we learn who we are, we have this sort of prideful expectation of how others should treat us.  When we finally figure it out....Oh, I'm worth it to You, Lord....we think everybody else needs to get that memo, too.  We have an easy time loving those who have the same mindset as we do and "love" us (more like treat us nicely) first, but when someone we know kinda gets in a mood, we do to.  "Um, excuse me, do you KNOW who I am?  I am a child of God.  I am His princess.  Didn't you get the memo?  You don't get to treat ME like that."

For some, like myself, it's actually an attempt to finally stand up for myself.  But it can turn into a demand for love from people who either can't or won't give it.  The root, course, is actually pride.

Why pride?  I mean, if you think about it, we're right.  We deserve good things. We deserve to be treated well by everyone and everyone MUST love us because we're daughters of the King.  Right?  Well, I don't think Yeshua said "When you get in a right relationship with Me, everyone will suddenly love you and you'll be best friends with everybody.  Don't worry, kid.  Loving your neighbor as yourself will be a cinch! You will have the perfect life with the perfect family."  I don't think so.  I think He said that people will hate us and try to kill us and we should love our enemy!  The Sermon on the Mount never included "Blessed are you who only love people who like you first" or "Blessed are you who are happy all the time".

Rule #1 about people: Not everyone sees in you what God sees in you.  In fact, MOST people don't.  If some do, they usually look at the outward gift or calling, and not necessarily who you are as a person.  And foolin' everyone with a fake smile don't cut it either.  Trust me, I've tried.  ;)

So, what do we do about this?  What do we do about people who yell at us or gossip about us?  What do we do about people who deny us and betray us?  We love them first.

I think about my best friend.  This is one of the many adventures you will probably hear about Dolly & Boris. Now, I tell this and laugh about it and tease, but at the time it was difficult for me (for him too, cause he had to deal with me, lol).  I've actually come out of this situation with a greater ability to love others and it's mainly due to Boris (even though he didn't know this until I told him today). :)

When I got back from the mountain-top experience, where everyone loved everyone (basically) and people were always nice and encouraging to me, I had grown so much in confidence about who I am to Yeshua.  It was like I was lying on this pillow of love, and then came back and fell on a bunch of rocks.  Not everyone was nice to me.  Some people said my experiences weren't real, or I was a bad example, or...I don't know, some weird stuff too.  Anyway, Boris and I had different experiences when we were apart.  He had Uruguay and I had IHOP.  We came back and it was like oil and vinegar for a while.  Basically...sucks.  lol.  He would say rude things and I would react in pride.  "I don't deserve that.  I'm a daughter of the King.  I'm your friend.  You don't get to talk to me like that."

What I came to realize, after a ton of prayer, was that we're all dust.  From dust we came and to dust we go.  We deserve nothing.  Yeshua gave His life for us because He loved us.  Who are we to demand love from another person like that?  I don't think Yeshua went up to the Pharisees and yelled, "HELLO?!?!?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??? LOVE ME NOW!"

Now, to all you ladies who struggle with self-esteem issues, this doesn't mean people get to walk all over you.  AT. ALL.  If it's abusive, get out.  Here's the solution that I find to be the more Biblical response.

Love them first.  Expect nothing in return.

I realized that when I demanded love, I got resistance.  When I loved first, I got so much love in return.  I didn't expect anything from anyone.  I just came into agreement with who the Lord said Boris was, and went from there.  This goes for family and friends and enemies too.  You will find that a kind word turns away wrath and loving those simply because Yeshua died for them and loves them opens up doors to receive love as well.  I have found that my friendship with Boris is the best it's ever been (although we have our moments, haha ;)).  Why?  Because I humbled myself before the Lord and laid down my life to serve and care for another person.  That is our greatest gift we can give one another.

Now, I'm not perfect at this by any stretch.  I just hope that this one story helps you with your relationships (family or not).  Now, I really want to point out that this is crucial in family life as well.  Just because they're family doesn't mean there's an automatic "love" button that turns on when you're in the room.  Families have problems and issues.  This is normal cause we're all different.  But to demand love from someone simply because they're related to you is also prideful.  It doesn't matter whether people are believers or not.  Many of Yeshua's siblings didn't get it about Him being God until after He rose.  Yeshua still loved them first.

So I encourage you to seek the Lord in areas where you have been demanding love from others where you shouldn't have been.  I'm going to keep searching this out for myself and asking the Lord how I can love those who don't love me.  :)   Let's do it together! Yay!  :D        

Worship Blog

Hey all!

My Tumblr Blog has been re-vamped into a Worship Journey Blog called "SeekHIM-Friendly Worship". It's purpose is to explore the concept of worship from God's perspective.

Check it out!  dollymullen.tumblr.com !!!!  

This blog will remain as my personal blog. :)

Psalm 19

Psalm 19

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

 1 The heavens declare the glory of God;

         And the firmament shows His handiwork.

 2 Day unto day utters speech,

         And night unto night reveals knowledge.

 3 There is no speech nor language

         Where their voice is not heard.

 4 Their line[a] has gone out through all the earth,

         And their words to the end of the world. 

         

         In them He has set a tabernacle for the sun,

 5 Which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,

         And rejoices like a strong man to run its race.

 6 Its rising is from one end of heaven,

         And its circuit to the other end; 

         And there is nothing hidden from its heat. 

         

 7 The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul;

         The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple;

 8 The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;

         The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes;

 9 The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;

         The judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.

 10 More to be desired are they than gold,

         Yea, than much fine gold; 

         Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.

 11 Moreover by them Your servant is warned,

         And in keeping them there is great reward. 

         

 12 Who can understand his errors?

         Cleanse me from secret faults.

 13 Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins;

         Let them not have dominion over me. 

         Then I shall be blameless, 

         And I shall be innocent of great transgression. 

         

 14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

         Be acceptable in Your sight, 

         O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer. 

Dance

Dance is life -- real, raw, and unyielding -- pressed out as the result of a speechless, frozen tongue.  The teeth cannot discern the consonants, and the lips strain to find a letter.  Dance is an involuntary responsive language that needs no translation, but only a heart that is overflowing with the passion of a message.  

A Time To Transition

So, I made it to Kansas City!

There are honestly so many feelings swirling around in my little body.  I'm trying to filter them through heart and mind, but much of it just ends in tears.  Not bad tears.  Not good tears.  More like somewhere in the middle of desperation and fear tears.  Desperation for more of the Lord; more of His heart, more of His voice, more of Him overall.  Fear of taking the next big step (because this IS a BIG step) in my life.

While, on one side, I know that I this step is a must if I wish to be all I'm called to be, I also struggle with the fear and trepidation of failing, falling, and losing everything.  But, here I am again, giving it all to seek out the One I love.  Here I am, taking a step off the cliff and realizing He's placed a staircase under my feet so I might find the gradual way to being completely submitted to His will.  What my greatest dislike of this constant decrease in self and increase in Him is that I find myself doing it on my own.  Now, I do not mean this in a self-righteous way at all.  I actually mean this in the sense that, while there ARE others on a similar path, no one can tread the path I tread.  My path is my own.  Just like your path is your own.  No one can go with me.  No one can do it for me.  I have to do it on my own.  I must work out my OWN salvation with fear and trembling.  How great is the mercy of the Lord that He goes with us wherever we go and sends out His angels on our behalf, that we might never feel the depths of the great chasm of loneliness!

I struggle to push through the depression, loneliness, fear, and nightmares to find God in my situation.  It's an obvious blessing to be in a place where the anointing of the Lord and the Spirit of the Lord is so thick and tangible.  I find myself allowing the music and the Word to speak to me and pierce my soul.  I know the Lord has been doing something in me since I've been here at IHOP....I'm just not sure what that is yet.  I'll letcha know when I figure it out.  ;)

In the physical, He's confirmed a ton of things regarding what I'm to do while I'm here.  I start work at Starbucks tomorrow.  I'll be turning in my Transfer Application to IHOPU tomorrow as well.  I will probably be auditioning for this Performing Arts School called Dramatic Truth (a Christian Dance Academy) and continuing in my dance training.  I attended Or HaOlam yesterday and felt very comfortable in my new home away from home. Please continue to pray for financial support and partnership.  Now...I just need to find a place to live!!!!  :D

Thank you all for your prayers and financial support!  I will have thank you notes to those who gave very soon (as soon as I find them!).

Now, to God who is faithful to the end, be glory and power and honor forever!  Amen.

  

Beckah Shae - Imagine

Beckah Shae - Put Your Love Glasses On

Chaiyalim Adonai - Medley of 5 years of hard work!!

CHAIYALIM ADONAI HAS BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS.  BECAUSE THE TEAM IS TRANSITIONING INTO A NEW SEASON, WE DECIDED TO END THIS SEASON WITH A BANG.  THIS CRAZY LONG DANCE IS A MEDLEY OF ALMOST 5 YEARS OF HARD WORK, DEDICATION, SERVICE, GROWTH, AND BONDING.  CHAIYALIM ADONAI STARTED WITH 10 UNTRAINED DANCERS, AND HAS DEVELOPED INTO A GROUP OF STRONG, SPIRIT-FILLED WORSHIPERS.

HERE'S TO YOU, SOLDIERS OF THE LORD!!! IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE SERVING YOU, AND I HOPE TO DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE.  I LOVE YOU ALL.  STAY STRONG, AND FIGHT FOR THE LORD.  CHAZAK! CHAZAK!  V'NIT CHAZEK!

The Book

ON SATURDAY, THE ADAT YOUTH PRESENTED A HUMAN VIDEO, CALLED "THE BOOK".  THIS HUMAN VIDEO PORTRAYS 4 PEOPLE (2 SAVED, 2 UNSAVED) WHEN THEY GET TO THE GATES OF HEAVEN AND ENCOUNTER THE HOLY SPIRIT.  IS THEIR NAME IN THE BOOK? WILL THEY SEE ETERNAL LIFE?

MY ONLY WISH IS THAT YOU ALL COULD SEE THEIR FACES BETTER.  THESE YOUNG PEOPLE DID AN AMAZING JOB!  ALL I DID WAS GIVE THEM THE IDEA AND SOME DIRECTION...THEY DID THE REST.  KIKI HOEHN (IN THE "CLOUD OF WITNESSES" GROUP) CHOREOGRAPHED THE ENDING DANCE PHRASE AND PARTICIPATED IN SOME OF THE SCRIPTURE REFERENCES.

THE CAST:
Dolly Mullen: Holy Spirit
Misael Hernandez: The Arch Angel
Anna Ishizaki: The Simple Believer
Josh Ishizaki: The Atheist
Debbie Hornish: The Improbable Believer
Becca Trinque:  The Pharisee/Masks
Kiki Hoehn & Josie Moreau:  Cloud of Witnesses

BEHIND-THE-SCENES:
Lighting & Sound: Marc Cole & Zach Whiteman
PowerPoint Presentation Creator: Dolly Mullen
PowerPoint Presentation Coordinator:  John Siu
Props Master, Directing Adviser, Prayer Support: Deborah Cole
Prayer Support: Batya Siu
Film Crew: Gerilynn Marse

OVERALL DIRECTOR AND INSPIRATION: YESHUA HAMASHIACH!!! WOO!

Special Thanks to Pastor Bob Black for supporting the Youth Ministry throughout the years and encouraging us in our gifts! Also, to Jerry Ishizaki for helping set up in the morning! :D