Resting Under the Weight of the Waves

Just me. The sand. The clouds.

The wind pushes a swell of salty, extravagant waves toward the practically empty beach.  I feel the passion of the Lord  in each crash of a wave.  His love and jealousy desires to overcome my downcast heart.  Oh, to drown in His love.  To BE overcome by the Lord of all creation...an experience I feel unworthy to know.  The crisp air makes me fully aware of this.  It pushes me and prods me.  It goes deep into my bones and refuses to leave.  My skin grows cold.  Each hair on my skeletal arms stands straight up, like it's calling me to attention.  "I'm freezing," they tell me. "Make me warm again."  


You can't cover up cold bones with a simple sweatshirt.  The wind will overcome it.  It bullies me into submission.  I curse the wind, and yet, it never leaves.  It never stops.  It only continues to pierce me. 


Just me.  The sand. The clouds.


The waves dance before me.  I feel the rhythm they follow, and wish I was apart of that dance.  I want to jump in.  I want to feel the water pushing my hair back as I pass under each wave.  But no.  I don't trust it.  The wind reminds me of how cold it is outside.  How could I attempt to trust this wave of oceanic temperature?  Will it not make me an icicle? Will it not literally freeze my bones?  Why should I risk it?  Why should I trust?  


I convince myself that staying in the cold wind will be a better option.  Dry is better than wet!  And besides, I'm fully clothed!  No bathing suit.  Just me, my skinny jeans, a tank, a top, and two sweatshirts....and socks. If I were to jump in and dance with the waves, I'd get my pants and tank top soaking wet.  And it's too cold to take my sweatshirts off anyway, right?  


Just me. The sand. The clouds.


The wave continue to dance before me.  Oh, how I desire to be in the midst of their dance.  To dance with them and feel their rhythm in my heart and it cries out to me.  Don't I have sweatpants in the car?  


Little drops of water begin to trickle down from the clouds. Well, here's my chance...before it starts pouring. 


Just me. The sand. The clouds.


What will this do to me?  I'm not sure.  But I must trust the waves.  The waters will protect me from the wind.  I want to get lost in the ocean.  Never come out.  Whatever happens, I must trust the waves.  I will overcome by the power of the waves of love. 


Just me. The sand. The clouds.


I begin to undress.  First: my zip-up hoodie.  The second I stand up to remove it, I immediately hit a wall of icy wind, telling me not to do this.  "No," I say.  "I must step out and prove it to myself.  I must make this covenant."  My legs begins to quiver with fear.  


Second:  I remove my pull-over hoodie.  Another wall.  "No! I will do this!"  My whole body is afraid and trembling.


Third: My button-down blouse.  It's just me.  My tank top. My skinny jeans.  Me. 


I remove my jewelry and hair tie, and look towards the ocean.  My entire body is shaking uncontrollably.  Can I do this?  Will this really change me?  Can I survive this?  My heart responds with an undeniable 'yes'.  


"OK....here goes."  I move toward the ocean, looking around to make sure no one else sees me in my insanity.  I feel utterly insane at this point, but, I just can't stop myself now.  It's what's needed, and what's right.


Just me. The wet sand. The clouds.


My bare feet touch the cold, wet sand.  Not so bad...but let's see what the water does.  Standing a ways back from the deeper water, I allow a small wave to brush over my pale feet.  Well, that's not so bad. I begin to creep forward...afraid.  


Everything in me is terrified.  But listen, listen.  The crashing of the waves.  They call me.  They beckon me forth.  They are beautiful, glorious, and terrifyingly fierce.  But rightly I move forward. It's now or never.  I'm not stopping.  


I trust You.  I give myself freely to You!  I will never stop loving You! Here I am, risking everything for You!  I will fight for You!!  I am the one coming up from the wilderness leaning on her Beloved!  I will never stop!  I trust You! Here I go!!!


I move forward quickly.  The waves crash over my ankles, then my calves.  They reach my knees. I feel the cold, but I don't stop.  I will press forward into Your love.  I run as quickly and efficiently as a person can in crashing waves.  They keep coming at me.  Knee deep. Thigh deep.  Upper thigh deep. Waist deep.  I can't wait any longer.  I run at the next wave. Here I go!  I dive under the wave.  I rest under the power and weight of the waves.  I dance a dive under the waves.  It's so peaceful underneath the glory of the waves.  I wish I couldn't be pulled back up to the surface.  Oh, to live on water instead of air!  After the wave passes, my body drags me to the surface and I rise from the water with power.  


I stand on the beach again with my towel wrapped around my head, weeping. The clothes drip with the salt water.  My feet are sandy.  


Just me. The sand.  The sun.  


As I weep behind my towel and converse with the Lord, the sun comes out from behind the clouds.  I was under the dark cloud, and am now set free because I gave myself freely to my God.  I let Him have control.  I gave Him power and authority to run my life.  I allowed the waves of His love and grace and power to wash over me like flood.  I am clean.  I am washed by the blood of the Lamb.  I got to dance with the Lord.  :)


Just me.   Just Him.