At The DMV With God

"I knew what I was getting into when I called you. I knew what I was getting into when I said your name; I said it just the same.  I knew what I was getting into and I still like you.  I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.  So just don't give up.  Don't give in.  If you don't quit, you'll win.  You'll win."                                                                                "Don't Give Up", Misty Edwards

God is not surprised by my sin.  He's not surprised that I messed up.  He's not shocked by my weakness.  He's God!  He knew I was going to do it before the idea even popped into my head.  And yet, He's not disappointed in me.  He doesn't regret creating me.  All He does is wait.  Wait for what, though?  Wait to punish me and yell and beat me up?  Quite the opposite actually.  He's waiting for me to come to Him (in repentance) so He can lather me with His love!

In saying this, even I have a hard time believing it.  God.  Who is perfect.  Wants.  Me.  Um...I think you have the wrong believer, here.  Maybe You called the wrong number, Lord.  I think You meant to call someone with a little less baggage, and a little more...what's the word....perfection.  I can see the Lord staring at me, as if we were at the DMV, or something.  He's just looking at me with His big smile, holding my number.  "Dolly, I called you.  I picked the right one. I don't make mistakes."

In my incredulity, I run down the list of reasons why the Lord MUST have been wrong.  Let's a take a brief (summarized and incomplete) look...

LYING. ANGER. RAGE. BITTERNESS. SELF-HATRED. DRUGS. ALCOHOLISM. LUST. DISRESPECT. PRIDE. ARROGANCE. HATRED OF OTHERS.  PERFORMANCE (the bad kind). ETC.

I mean, the list goes on and on.  That's not even half.  So...I tell the Lord again that He must want someone else.  I'm not good enough to be His servant.  Heck, I'm not even pretty enough to be His servant (just ask everyone who's taken a cheap shot at my appearance over and over again).  "Lord, if people can't love me, then neither can You. You're perfect.  How can You love cheap trash like me?"  Ah.  Now we get to the root of it.  I am superimposing the sin nature of others onto God.  Great.  After realizing it, I say, "See!! I can't do it!  Look how stupid I am!  I can't even figure anything out!  I don't even know You!"

The Lord, in His kindness, has allowed me to continue on this little temper tantrum/rampage.  Still smiling...He listened to every word, by the way...He begins to approach me.  In my tension and frustration, I back away one step.  What can you expect, though?  I didn't know what He was going to do.  He stops.  Then, He gets closer.  The anguish in my heart has brought me to an unknown level of defeat.  When He gets close enough, He holds me tight as I collapse into His arms.

This?  In the middle of the DMV?  I have strange visions.  What can I say? ;)

He guides me slowly down to the floor.  My body aches.  I'm tired.  All I can do is let Him do...whatever He is going to do.  While I am unsure of His plan of action, I feel a sense of security and safety in His arms.  It feels like home.  We just wait for awhile.  No words.  Just me.  And Him.  My temper tantrum is long gone.

When I more or less "come to", He says to me, "Dolly, I love you.  I am so delighted that you're even here in My arms.  This is where I want to be with you.  You can't scare Me with your past.  Your sin doesn't put Me off or intimidate Me.  I have overcome the deepest pit of death in your heart."  Here's the kicker, folks...

"I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU GO.  I don't want to lose You.  I want to show you how beautiful you are to Me.  Forget those crazies who don't know what they're talking about.  Look at Me.  Look at Me.  Stay your eyes here, with My gaze.  I will overcome your fears through love.  I will walk you out of the wilderness, and you will be leaning on Me.  I will make you a testimony to the nations, and many will glorify My Name because of what I have done in you.  Don't give up.  Don't give in.  If you don't quit, you'll win.  I'm not through with you yet.  Don't think that because one season is over, then your whole life is.  You're not a finished product.

"But I will make you whole again, as when you were a child.  I will restore your soul back to fullness in Me.  I want restoration for you.  I want to make things complete."

(There's more to this that I could not put on this blog, so I'm sorry to cut it short)

I feel like the Lord is saying this to some of you.  Maybe you think your sin is "too big" for God, or He just can't handle what a "mess-up" you are.  Well, I have news for you...He just rocked me with what I put (and the rest that I couldn't share), and He wants to do the same for you.  Will you run after Him?  Will you simply walk in the room so He can show you His love?  His arms are open.  His heart is big.  Let Him love you the way He desperately desires to.  He's a good Father.  He won't hate you.  :)

"This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinner of whom I am chief.  However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life.  Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."                                       1 Timothy 1:15-17 (NKJV)