Unspoken Language

"He shall be like a tree

     Planted by the rivers of water,

     That brings forth its fruit in its season,

     Whose leaf also shall not wither;

And whatever he does shall prosper."

 (Psalm 1:3)

 

The path to true blessing is through meditation and prayer. It is through loving devotion to Messiah. It is through a full life in God. We will be on the cutting edge of God's movement and purpose for today. God wants to do a new thing. We must hear God's Word for today...for NOW. This process of jumping into the rivers of living water and receiving blessing is possible solely through constant communion with the Lord. Connecting our heart and soul to God's Presence strengthens our faith and ability to hear God's voice. We become a life of expectation. We find true hope, humility, and joy.

Not all of our prayers are verbal. Not all thoughts are meant to be communicated. Recently, I have been delving into the treasures of the book, 'The Practice of the Presence of God', by Brother Lawrence. I elected to read this book because the season I am in is truly lacking words. Words seem so plain and vain compared to the glory and adoration and honor the Lord of Hosts deserves. I have been at a loss for words in expressing myself in writing and out loud in group prayer. Lengthy, eloquent prayers seem to have lost their purpose. I have found my prayers to be frank and a bit stagnant. But how can this be? I am so full of loving devotion and gratitude towards Yeshua/Jesus! It should just burst out of me, right?

What I have found through reading this book is that true communion with the Lord is found NOT in lengthy, wordy, and eloquent prayers, but primarily in the silent language of the soul. When my heart is full, and there are no words, my soul speaks another language. My spirit communes with God's Spirit. The depths of my heart are opened before Him and I am found -- just as I am -- by a tender and jealous God. He brings healing, nourishment, and love to my fervent and needy heart. The life that takes place behind my face (totally quoting Misty here) is filled with faith, hope, and love. "A garden enclosed...A spring shut up...A fountain sealed...a well of living waters..." (Song of Solomon 4:12-15)

We must practice this communion with the Lord as often as we are able all the time. We must discipline our will to submit to knowing God on a deeper level than just the outward expression of daily devotions, study, group or liturgical prayer.While all of these expressions are necessary and desired, the Lord is far greater and above these mere outward acts of obedience. He is so much greater than anything we have written or spoken about or portrayed through various ways. He is totally other than. And I would not have it any other way.

Our reasonable act of servitude before the Lord is to present ourselves as holy, humble, and willing vessels (Romans 12:1-2). We must desire to know God and love God more than loving the things of God (Psalm 51:16-17).  Becoming a person of prayer, meditation, and silent contemplation is necessary to living a full life in God, and serving Him well. Our lives depend on these disciplines. Do we know whom we serve?

"My soul sings,

My soul sings,

My soul sings,

How I love you"

 

 

 

 

Trusting In The Word

I hate when I have something to say, but it just won't come out the way I want it to. Meh! I really strive for raw honesty when I write. I don't like to hold back. I don't believe in keeping the revelations God has given me to myself. It's not always pretty or politically correct what I write, and I don't always write with the most eloquent vocabulary. But what I write I write with a genuine desire to communicate what God is doing in my life in hopes that maybe -- just maybe -- it will inspire others or help others to understand where I'm coming from, and possibly spark something within their spirits that leads them closer (even just one half-step) to the Lord. I don't assume to know anything. I don't assume that I know more than any of you. And I don't write to blast people through religious jargon. I write completely what I feel I need to say that God would minister to ME with what I say. I believe in the power of the testimony of others, and I believe in the testimony of Yeshua in my life.

The Lord has really been working with me in a few areas: trust and confidence. If you know me at all, you know that I don't trust anyone and I keep everyone at arms distance. It takes me awhile to warm up to people, and I'm very shy and reserved in first meetings (unless it's a ministry event where I have to put that aside for the sake of the ministry). I don't typically push myself on others or go out of my way to engage people. It has nothing to do with whether or not I like people. I actually like people a lot. But I find it difficult to break the wall of fear with regards to peoples expectations of how I should act and I honestly don't like being a burden to anyone.  I think typically people are better off without me.  I don't like interrupting conversations or just waltzing up to a group of people because I feel like I'm not worth the time and I would hate for anyone to be upset with me for assuming that I was important enough to be apart of their conversation or event. That's honestly how I feel. I have no confidence in my importance or worth, and I don't trust others to see any importance in me nor do I trust myself to act in a way worthy of friendship or acceptance.  

Now, did I say these were correct ways of thinking? NO. I am just being honest here in how I feel. Engaging a group of people and going up to 80 people to say hi and give hugs takes more than just a little push in my head.  I panic about this quite frequently. What if I do it wrong? What if I hug too tight? What if I hug too loose? What if they don't think my smile is genuine? You should hear the things that happen in my head sometime...it's actually quite funny. And stupid. I wish my brain would just shut up sometimes. Because, the reality is that it's really not a big deal. I'm created by God, in His image. Why should I be so afraid of talking to people? Why do I think I have such little importance and that everyone will be mad if I speak? Why can't I just be myself around everyone? Around anyone? 

The answer, so simple, came from my dad. If anyone knows where these behavioral patterns come from, it's my dad. He explained it all very easily. The uncertainty and hostility and volatility of childhood pretty much destroyed my ability to just engage people. I've always been the type to hold back and observe to see if it's safe before I enter into anything, even a simple conversation. I've always been plagued to some degree with fear of the unknown. Fear of when the next shoe will drop. Fear of when the crap will hit the fan. Because of this "every man for himself" environment, I've isolated myself from the world to a degree.  No one will break down my fort of protection!  I've become the Lone Ranger! AH! ;) 

So, since I've discovered the root of the problem, I've been praying and asking the Lord to help me trust Him and have confidence in His love. I can only pray and try my best to overcome this. I can only bring it before the Lord and ask for Him to shower me with His love and acceptance. The root of the problem is that I don't believe the Lord will protect me from anyone and I have to do everything on my own. I actually don't trust the Lord. I don't have confidence in the Lord. These are the issues at hand. This is a huge sin! How can I call myself a believer if I can't even trust the One I believe in? How is that Biblical?  If this is what I truly believe then there is no hope in my life! But...

"being confident in this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ" (Philippians 1:6, italics added).

and...

"Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them" (Hebrews 7:25, italics added). 

Right now, Yeshua is interceding for me that I would grow and that my faith would not fail. He prays that I would trust Him and be confident in His work.  I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that I should (that I will) walk in them (Eph. 2:10). I was created for good, and not for evil. I was created to live, and not die. I was created for intimate fellowship with God and others. I was created for beauty, and not for ashes. I am clean and washed by His blood. I will have confidence in what God says about me, regardless of the fleshly opinions of others. I will not give up my birthright for isolation and fear.

The Lord desires that we walk in relationship and fellowship with others, as well as Himself. Doing that requires a sense of trust that God will protect us from however the enemy may use others to slander us and come against us. It also requires that we trust that God is working in others just as much as He is working in us. Observation and caution is good and wise, but not to the degree of isolation. We must move past our fear of the next shoe dropping or being rejected by people or being gossiped about. Rise above the cloud of lies, and walk in the freedom of God's truth and love. The only truth we should submit to is the one from the Bible. That being said, we must rise up out of the ash heap and come into the fullness of God's truth about us. We must live in confidence, not in our own works and strength, but in God's faithfulness and commitment to us. Living confident in how we behave removes the work of the cross from our account.  Confidence in God's grace will push us to desire holiness and righteousness in our behavior, but it is not where we put our trust or confidence. God is with us in the process. Trust Him in this process. The more you place yourself at His feet, the more your behavior will change. We move from glory to glory, always striving to be holy because He is holy. We want to look like Him.




Lord, we want to look like You. We trust You, God, with our fears, our behavioral quirks and issues, and we ask that you would come and fill us with Your grace and truth. Fill us with confidence in Your love and acceptance. We believe that we are accepted in the Beloved. Help us to rise above it all and lift our gaze to Your throne. We seek Your truth, Lord. Give us strength in Your joy and love. Help us to see others the way You see them. We submit our ways to You, Lord. We submit to Your leadership in our lives. Give us confidence to overcome. In Jesus' Name, Amen. 

Imitator

"Therefore be imitators of God as dear children." (Ephesians 5:1, NKJV)

 This verse (without actually reading it until today, lol) has been hitting me a lot this week.  Between listening to some amazing messages about this topic (or that included this topic), my jam time in la caro, and my devotionals on my iPhone, God has been speaking things that have been a passion in my life in a way that makes me melt.  You know that gooey, mushy feeling you get sometimes when your heart is so moved by a topic?  Your legs become jello and all you feel like doing is crying (the ugly kind) and praising and running off to some natural location where all you can see is green stuff and the sky.  Then you want to journal, but can't get anything out because it's just all so overwhelming!!! Then you want to start a revolution!!!!!  And then...you come back from the mother ship. Hello! ;)

There are so many things that have really been getting me in the past few weeks, but fortunately for you I won't spend this whole blog describing every single thing. You'd probably try to kill me if I did. I just would like to put out a few things...

God is always who He is.  He is never anyone else.  He never tries to keep up with the Jones'. He never puts a mask on to make you think He is better than He really is.  God is God. Always. He is always true to His personality.  He never changes to make someone feel better about themselves.  He doesn't shrink away or hide from the world. He may not always be loud and proud either! So, if we are to be imitators of God, why do we do these things? Why do we try to portray ourselves a certain way that makes us seem like we are imitators of God, when really we are living a double life and hurting God's heart?  Why do we hide our needs?  Why can't we be vulnerable with each other? More importantly, why don't we help each other?

I know many of you (if not all) are coming up with all kinds of reasons why you can't be vulnerable in your church or congregation because of the list of hurts and offenses and drama you've endured.  I don't take those lightly either. We have all been victims of rejection and betrayal and attacks from people who claim to be followers of the Bible and it's Messiah.  But...my point still stands (and I'll put it in a different way)...why aren't you doing something to change the culture of the Body so that you can be vulnerable and weak in front of others?  The change starts with Y.O.U. (and me, too!), no?

True worship of God means imitating Him.  What did He do?  What is Yeshua (Jesus) like?  1 John 3:1 says, "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!"  Who is this God that He loves us the way He does?!  Christ died for us that we might be that example of godly devotion and love to others.  When I was at enmity with God, He loved me enough to give His life that I might live more abundantly.  It is my responsibility but also my choice to give that love back (as weak and broken as it may be) to the world.

What would you like your tombstone to say about you?  I would like mine to say, "Dolly Mullen, mother of many who were not her own, lover of God".  Let's create a Jesus culture together. Let's dive in, hands first, hearts open wide.  My heart's desire is to be an imitator of my Creator.